 Ashton gets drunk, becomes legend |
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| Ryuji Kuro |
 Apr 21 2007, 04:34 PM
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#1
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Lazy Group: Arcs Posts: 10 Joined: 20-February 07 Member No.: 690  |
I hosted an event yesterday, and as a reward me and my colleagues were treated to a meal afterwards. The food sucked, but the alcohol was cheap. To the normal student, this would be a disappointment. To Ashton Liu, this was an excuse to get fucked off drunk at the expense of my school and not get in trouble for it. Thus I was all too happy to indulge. Of course, I was supposed to help teach an English class the day after, and I knew I couldn't do so if I happened to get a hangover from my rampant alcoholic tendencies. But this was a once-in-a-year chance for me, so I threw all caution and temperament to the wind.
11:00 PM: Only five people are here. I drink some pepsi. 11:05 PM: Some colleagues show, but not enough to start my drinking challenge. 11:10 PM: Nobody else has shown up. I grow slightly impatient. 11:20 PM: Every table but mine is filled. The beer is delivered. Considering we need to wait for our colleague, this does not amuse me. 11:30 PM: My colleague shows up and I pop open my first bottle of beer. My first of many. 11:40 PM: I've had one glass of beer and I feel fine. Forgetting that one glass has little to no effect on the human body, I take it this means I am invincible. 11:41 PM: I run around challenging everybody who is willing to drink. 11:45 PM: I've gone through two bottles in 4 minutes and I feel fine. This must mean I am ready for more. 11:51 PM: I have beaten everyone else. I have drank four bottles, which nobody else can top. The crowd is in awe. In my drunken stupor I run around hugging everyone I see. And I do mean everyone. COlleagues, people I don't know, the waiters, EVERYONE. 11:53 PM: My Godhood ends in two minutes. Someone else has drank four and a half bottles of beer. This is a threat to my manhood. 11:55 PM: I reclaim my Godhood. I drink another bottle of beer and a shot of vodka-coke. 12:00 AM: My friend bets that I cannot beat him in drinking. "FUCK YOU," I scream, "NOBODY OUTDRINKS ASHTON. I WILL DRINK DOUBLE WHATEVER YOU HAVE." 12:01 AM: As if on cue, we are each provided with two shots of vodka. 12:02 AM: I have finished my two shots. My friend is still on his first. 12:03 AM: "WHAT NOW BITCH?! I THOUGHT YOU COULD OUT DRINK ME?!" 12:04 AM: My friend finishes his second vodka shot. 12:05 AM: "THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!" I order another two. 12:10 AM: I have finished my two vodka shots. My friend has passed out before he can finish his third. I am God. I am also sick. Very very sick. THe room is spinning like whoaaaa. 12:11 AM: More alcohol. I think it's tequila. Whatever the fuck. I grab it and down it. The room starts spinning even more. 12:12 AM: I lose track of what I am doing as Batshit Insane Drunk Ashton steps into the limelight and sober, very aware of his surroundings Ashton is kicked out of the driver's seat. 7:08 AM: I wake up in my room. Somehow I made it back here. Unfortunately the carnival seems to be in town and have converted my room into one of their rides. The spinning is uncontrollable. Somewhere in the distance I hear an IM being sent to me on my computer. I scream at my computer, "Shut the fuck up, I'm too dizzy to talk to you." The computer responds by making another IM noise. 7:10 AM: The phone rings. I reach out and try to find it. However, since the phone is nowhere near my bed, I obviously cannot reach it. Fuck it, I think, let the answering machine take care of it. 7:11 AM: The phone stops ringing. 7:12 AM: I remember I have no answering machine. 7:13 AM: My COMPUTER starts ringing. I throw my pillow at my desk, and miss my computer. I do, however, knock over the Saber figure sitting beside it. "That's what you get," I sneer, "For being in such a fucking suck ass anime." 7:14 AM: I go back to sleep. 4:10 PM: I wake up. My class started 10 minutes ago. Fuck. I halfheartedly get up, throw on some clothes, and leave. 4:13 PM: I am greeted by my ex girlfriend, who I have not seen in three months. "Still drunk?" She asks. I grunt in response. 4:15 PM: I realize she was not at the party. Who told her I was drunk? I deem this point unimportant and go back to more important things. 4:20 PM: I arrive at the class I am slated to teach. My teaching assistant tells me that I shouldn't arrive to class drunk. I don't get the joke until three hours later. 6:10 PM: My class is over and as I am heading out the door, I bump into the Vice Dean of my department. I greet her, and we chat about the class I'm teaching, etc. As I am about to leave, she parts with "So, you're over your hangover, I presume?" What the fuck. |
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| Mr. Sirius |
Apr 21 2007, 04:45 PM
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#2
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 Casual Chatter  Group: Arcs Posts: 56 Joined: 1-March 08 Member No.: 1702 |
Reading this made my day and killed my lungs. Another story like this, I'll be seeing you in an afterlife.
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| valkan |
Apr 21 2007, 04:58 PM
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#3
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Vivec Group: Knights Posts: 646 Joined: 23-December 05 Member No.: 5 |
You're teacher? >_>
~~~ "Wheels within wheels..."
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| Irysa |
Apr 21 2007, 04:59 PM
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#4
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 Towards some blank infinity Group: Knights Posts: 1470 Joined: 12-February 06 From: Behind You Member No.: 65 |
A teacher, PPA. A teacher.
~~~ [13:27:43] [Sabator] peter would be the worst batman ever though. "turn on the bat-signal" "right!" *turns on huge foglight, beams an image of striped pantsu into the sky*
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| LukewarmHoliday |
Apr 21 2007, 05:03 PM
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#5
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 Casual Chatter Group: Arcs Posts: 96 Joined: 4-January 09 From: About 50ft above you Member No.: 1825 |
Full of win. Your drunken stupors are always so funny.
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| Bron |
Apr 24 2007, 01:48 AM
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#6
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 Lazy Group: Arcs Posts: 9 Joined: 30-April 10 From: Finland Member No.: 2055 |
QUOTE(Ash) To the normal student, this would be a disappointment. I guess I think less of the "normal" student than you do. Or more, depending on how you look at it.4/10. ~~~  Yggdra..I don't know how to deal with girls who have been named after trees.. |
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| Lloyd Seegymont the Rasier |
Apr 25 2007, 02:56 AM
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#7
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 Keeping the forum afloat Group: Knights Posts: 1438 Joined: 22-December 06 From: Bayliss Member No.: 392 |
Nice.
Pity I'm never gonna drink. >_> ~~~ blues477 (10:29:38 AM): found you
(10:29:40 AM): you motherfucker LoRdXrAsLeR(10:29:48 AM): D: (10:29:54 AM): NO DON'T |
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| el Sethro |
Apr 25 2007, 04:52 AM
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#8
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 Lazy Group: Arcs Posts: 12 Joined: 1-August 06 From: Sethrotopia Member No.: 180 |
I had a friend who encouraged me to drink. I could drink wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted, but if he ever caught me smoking, my ass is his.
~~~ <center>
 <center> |
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| Antartique |
Apr 25 2007, 05:19 AM
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#9
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Lazy Group: Arcs Posts: 22 Joined: 11-June 07 From: Alaska, South Pole O.O Member No.: 1490 |
I wonder what a class would be like with Ash teaching it...
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| zie |
Apr 25 2007, 05:22 AM
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#10
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Lazy Group: Arcs Posts: 1 Joined: 5-June 10 Member No.: 2062 |
Nobel Prize worthy.
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| DustyHaru |
Apr 25 2007, 07:54 AM
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#11
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 Check Length Group: Knights Posts: 916 Joined: 7-August 07 From: Check Length Member No.: 1632 |
I second that Nobel Prize request!
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| Lite-Yoshi |
May 5 2007, 01:53 AM
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#12
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 Lazy Group: Arcs Posts: 20 Joined: 18-May 09 From: California, but not in the OC Member No.: 1886 |
That made my day.
~~~ To be: The Guy-Play I Wanna Be The Guy, still awake-drink coffee, happy-party up, seen-stand up, heard-speak up, respected-shut up.
Recent Feats: + Games: - Completed Ys SEVEN (Normal, Lv. 61 average, 23:47 in-game time) Now waiting for: - Ys I & II Chronicles US Localization (confirmed date on February 15, 2011) - FEAR 3 and Portal 2 (coming April 2011) |
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| Archeia |
May 5 2007, 12:33 PM
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#13
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 (๑╹ω╹๑ ) Group: Knights Posts: 538 Joined: 21-January 08 From: Australia Member No.: 1689 |
UPDATE:
My drunken stupor has had unforeseen consequences. I recieved a call from a female friend recently asking me why the hell I haven't called her in two weeks. Me: "What the fuck are you talking about?" Evidently when I was drunk out of my skull I got a bit overly friendly with said female friend kissed her, then asked her to be my girlfriend. Apparently she agreed and I have been going two weeks thinking I was single when I really wasn't. :( ~~~ |
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| absolute0zero |
May 5 2007, 01:41 PM
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#14
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 Casual Chatter Group: Arcs Posts: 87 Joined: 21-March 09 From: Area #99, CSS Member No.: 1852 |
Oh Ash, do you EVER cease to amuse us?
By the way, that kinda sucks. I just wanna have a single, sex-abstained life. ~~~ "You don't know anything? So, what do you know?"
"At least i know that i don't know anything. And i know that you know that i don't know anything. And i know that you know that i know that..." "Oh man, shut the heck up!" --- You can open LCN with your cellphone. I do it right now. |
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| Roukan |
May 5 2007, 01:53 PM
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#15
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 Lazy Group: Arcs Posts: 9 Joined: 12-December 07 From: It's WET and COLD. That's all I know. Member No.: 1668 |
You don't want sex?
What kind of man are you? ~~~ The undying proof that Serene's a genius:
"Cierra! The fire...the fire's burning!" |
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