Ashton gets drunk, becomes legend Options

[Raijinili]

I hosted an event yesterday, and as a reward me and my colleagues were treated to a meal afterwards. The food sucked, but the alcohol was cheap. To the normal student, this would be a disappointment. To Ashton Liu, this was an excuse to get fucked off drunk at the expense of my school and not get in trouble for it. Thus I was all too happy to indulge. Of course, I was supposed to help teach an English class the day after, and I knew I couldn't do so if I happened to get a hangover from my rampant alcoholic tendencies. But this was a once-in-a-year chance for me, so I threw all caution and temperament to the wind.

11:00 PM: Only five people are here. I drink some pepsi.

11:05 PM: Some colleagues show, but not enough to start my drinking challenge.

11:10 PM: Nobody else has shown up. I grow slightly impatient.

11:20 PM: Every table but mine is filled. The beer is delivered. Considering we need to wait for our colleague, this does not amuse me.

11:30 PM: My colleague shows up and I pop open my first bottle of beer. My first of many.

11:40 PM: I've had one glass of beer and I feel fine. Forgetting that one glass has little to no effect on the human body, I take it this means I am invincible.

11:41 PM: I run around challenging everybody who is willing to drink.

11:45 PM: I've gone through two bottles in 4 minutes and I feel fine. This must mean I am ready for more.

11:51 PM: I have beaten everyone else. I have drank four bottles, which nobody else can top. The crowd is in awe. In my drunken stupor I run around hugging everyone I see. And I do mean everyone. COlleagues, people I don't know, the waiters, EVERYONE.

11:53 PM: My Godhood ends in two minutes. Someone else has drank four and a half bottles of beer. This is a threat to my manhood.

11:55 PM: I reclaim my Godhood. I drink another bottle of beer and a shot of vodka-coke.

12:00 AM: My friend bets that I cannot beat him in drinking. "FUCK YOU," I scream, "NOBODY OUTDRINKS ASHTON. I WILL DRINK DOUBLE WHATEVER YOU HAVE."

12:01 AM: As if on cue, we are each provided with two shots of vodka.

12:02 AM: I have finished my two shots. My friend is still on his first.

12:03 AM: "WHAT NOW BITCH?! I THOUGHT YOU COULD OUT DRINK ME?!"

12:04 AM: My friend finishes his second vodka shot.

12:05 AM: "THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!" I order another two.

12:10 AM: I have finished my two vodka shots. My friend has passed out before he can finish his third. I am God. I am also sick. Very very sick. THe room is spinning like whoaaaa.

12:11 AM: More alcohol. I think it's tequila. Whatever the fuck. I grab it and down it. The room starts spinning even more.

12:12 AM: I lose track of what I am doing as Batshit Insane Drunk Ashton steps into the limelight and sober, very aware of his surroundings Ashton is kicked out of the driver's seat.

7:08 AM: I wake up in my room. Somehow I made it back here. Unfortunately the carnival seems to be in town and have converted my room into one of their rides. The spinning is uncontrollable. Somewhere in the distance I hear an IM being sent to me on my computer. I scream at my computer, "Shut the fuck up, I'm too dizzy to talk to you." The computer responds by making another IM noise.

7:10 AM: The phone rings. I reach out and try to find it. However, since the phone is nowhere near my bed, I obviously cannot reach it. Fuck it, I think, let the answering machine take care of it.

7:11 AM: The phone stops ringing.

7:12 AM: I remember I have no answering machine.

7:13 AM: My COMPUTER starts ringing. I throw my pillow at my desk, and miss my computer. I do, however, knock over the Saber figure sitting beside it. "That's what you get," I sneer, "For being in such a fucking suck ass anime."

7:14 AM: I go back to sleep.

4:10 PM: I wake up. My class started 10 minutes ago. Fuck. I halfheartedly get up, throw on some clothes, and leave.

4:13 PM: I am greeted by my ex girlfriend, who I have not seen in three months. "Still drunk?" She asks. I grunt in response.

4:15 PM: I realize she was not at the party. Who told her I was drunk? I deem this point unimportant and go back to more important things.

4:20 PM: I arrive at the class I am slated to teach. My teaching assistant tells me that I shouldn't arrive to class drunk. I don't get the joke until three hours later.

6:10 PM: My class is over and as I am heading out the door, I bump into the Vice Dean of my department. I greet her, and we chat about the class I'm teaching, etc. As I am about to leave, she parts with "So, you're over your hangover, I presume?" What the fuck.

[Raijinili]

Reading this made my day and killed my lungs. Another story like this, I'll be seeing you in an afterlife.

[Raijinili]

You're teacher? >_>

[Raijinili]

A teacher, PPA. A teacher.

[Raijinili]

Full of win. Your drunken stupors are always so funny.

[Raijinili]

To the normal student, this would be a disappointment.

I guess I think less of the "normal" student than you do. Or more, depending on how you look at it.

4/10.

[Raijinili]

Nice.

Pity I'm never gonna drink. >_>

[Raijinili]

I had a friend who encouraged me to drink. I could drink wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted, but if he ever caught me smoking, my ass is his.

[Raijinili]

I wonder what a class would be like with Ash teaching it...

[Raijinili]

Nobel Prize worthy.

[Raijinili]

I second that Nobel Prize request!

[Raijinili]

That made my day.

[Raijinili]

UPDATE:

My drunken stupor has had unforeseen consequences. I recieved a call from a female friend recently asking me why the hell I haven't called her in two weeks.

Me: "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Evidently when I was drunk out of my skull I got a bit overly friendly with said female friend kissed her, then asked her to be my girlfriend. Apparently she agreed and I have been going two weeks thinking I was single when I really wasn't.

:(

[Raijinili]

Oh Ash, do you EVER cease to amuse us?

By the way, that kinda sucks. I just wanna have a single, sex-abstained life.

[Raijinili]

You don't want sex?

What kind of man are you?