I think of my youthful years of fifteen and below as, I admit, full of pride. So prideful, in fact, that when I look back I know myself to be insensitive to a point where other people's heart can break. Thankfully, only one became a victim to my stone-cold love, but even though I thank that only one have had suffered under me, one is already far too much for me. Regret comes to mind.
I never thought nor think of her as a girlfriend, truth be told. Apparently my short time with her --- I only had wished to pass time during class --- proved to be very dear to her. So dear that she would go so far as to purchase a necklace carved into my very own name! And she wore it in public! Damn it all! I thought of it whole thing as trivial, really. I ignored her sign of affection because I held on to one little stupid thing: pride. Well, it turns out pride wasn't so little after all.
I am sure she tried to dismiss my choice of affection to the best of her abilities. Gave me some space for some time she did, and it wasn't until a couple of months later when she came back again. She probably had hoped I have settled down and accept her again like the first few times we've met. But it seems I have changed too much in those months for her poor mind. The following conversation made her last futile attempt the last futile attempt as I can remember:
She asked me, "Can I sit next to you?"
"Hell no!"
My friend near me was chuckling.
It bothers me to this day.
I wish I can take that back.
I wish I can say, "So sorry. Seat's taken!" instead.
But it stays as a "OH, HELL NO!"
~~~
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