YU Crack!Fic..., ...revolving around illiteration -.- Options

[Antartique]

So, this is a little n00b! And her first post will be... A fic fragment! Yes, a fic fragment! OMG! Fear this kitten, people, she is insane.

I will only be posting the first part of the first chapter here, once I finish the chapter it will go straight to FF.net... and I'll probably link it. Don't really feel like it, but...

I WARN YOU, my dears, this is pure, insane, OOC CRACK written by a kitten who still hasn't cleared the game. Go me. And my native language is spanish so my english is horrible -.-

Please do note this thing contains lots of Ferals* and even more random situations and randomly created pasts [Mizer, Kylier's brother!? C'mon!]. Also shounen-ai, because this kitten is a yaoi fan. Now, for some technical data... Oh, a dictionary entry first:

*Feral: (definition) Situation that should have happened in a game/anime/manga storyline, but for fic purposes has been evaded/changed. [Sorry, Feral Phoenix... if you weren't a dictionary entry before, you are now]

OK! Now that THAT has been taken care of...

ILLITERATION! Ch.1 (fragment)

Watch everyone's frustated attempts in trying to illustrate the illiterate in the fine art of reading! [featuring Crack!Ficness, mentions of Gulcasa/Yggdra, light Cruz/Mizer and Inzaghi/Milanor (if that isn't crack, Eudy is Miss Universe!), a crying Astral Fencer, kleptomaniac Stray Thieves, fangirling-over-griffons Kylier and the monochrome roses!]

...There were lots of '!'s in that one pharagraphs... I should let them go... Nah.

--

There were some times when being illiterate wasn't good (nor funny) at all.

Now was one of those times.

Milanor, also known as the Silver Wolf, the King of Thieves (and Fantasinia-Bronquia message boy, could you believe that?), was feeling horribly bored at the very right moment. The last message Gulcasa had written to his always dearest Yggdra was currently being read and responded to, so he had to sit and wait since he was in NO-STEALING TERRITORY.

So many beautiful things only beautiful because they would bring in LOTS of money to his crew... So many shiny things that you just had to have only to watch and watch and burn your eyes watching...

And so many books that the illiterate could die only to read once!

Why was he in the library, to start with!? He wasn't Roswell! He should be outside, feeding his kleptomaniacal needs with random things that were to be given back when Yggdra found out! But no, he just had to chose the library to spend his time in, right? Just had to choose to torment his poor misunderstood iliterate soul walking though walls filled with books!

...Some of which contained valuable information on methods of annoying your blond, effeminate, unoriginal best friend who went from thief to mercenary and joined the side you were going to fight in the future and almost died after being stabbed by a betraying fencer who later joined you because you saved his fiancée, your other best friend who helped you countless time even though she said she hated the person you were working for and who later almost died by making a suicidal attack to a pair of magical cannons AND your other best friend's brother who was always trying to kidnap the person you were working for and to hand her over to the side you were fighting only to gain money to buy shoes and who almost died because you slashed at him when he was raiding the base of a rebellious hunter who later joined you for helping him save his base and people... and on gardening.

Yes, Milanor liked flowers.

He loved them.

Not more than shiny and shinier things to steal and never sell, but still...

ANYWAYS! Here he was, walking through shelves filled with leather-bound books, scrolls and who knows what else. And Yggdra was busy with her negotiations, Kylier was busy taking care of her new griffon (what is a griffon rider without their griffon, I ask you?). Durant couldn't 'take care' of him since he was teaching the new recruits (what on Marietta's name did they need an army for?), Russell was too busy crying over not being able to see Flone. Roswell and Rosary were taking care of the roses in the garden, Cruz was bonding with Mizer (who had appeared one day with a bouquet of purple hyacinth saying he was deeply sorry for all the mess he had caused during the war). Elena was busy worrying over what to give Zilva for her birthday, Nietzsche was trying to learn how to make chocolate. And Inzaghi was nowhere to be seen. Why did everyone disappear/have something to do when he was BORED? Didn't they care about poor, little Milanor?

Probably not, nobody really cared for him since he was the main character and got maxed out around level 14 or so, and is a freaking SCYTHE/AXE USER, he was strong enough to care for himself. And ever since he had gone back to his 'HELLO! I have KLEPTOMANIA!' mode, everyone knew that paying him more attention than the usual 'take care for your things' kind would probably get something from you disappearing.

And, yes, the Silver Moon can't be called an axe. It's a scythe/axe hybrid (that's why it works against scythes). It was confirmed by Milanor himself in BattleField 1493.5.

Back to the matter in hand, Milanor was 1) bored, 2) inside a room filled with books he couldn't read and 3) with an urge to mess with Inzaghi.

Finally giving up, he decided.

"ALRIGHT! I'M GONNA LEARN HOW TO READ!"

This, of course, was heard everywhere in the castle, even outside. And all members of the disbanded Royal Army plus... three, could only laugh.

...Except for Elena. She is too polite to laugh.

--

Kitten previews post and finds two word walls... I tried my best *cries*

I think that is it, right? Flames for the fragment will be used to bake Zilva's cake.

This post has been edited by Antartique: Jun 13 2007, 05:44 PM