YU Crack!Fic..., ...revolving around illiteration -.- Options

[Antartique]

So, this is a little n00b! And her first post will be... A fic fragment! Yes, a fic fragment! OMG! Fear this kitten, people, she is insane.

I will only be posting the first part of the first chapter here, once I finish the chapter it will go straight to FF.net... and I'll probably link it. Don't really feel like it, but...

I WARN YOU, my dears, this is pure, insane, OOC CRACK written by a kitten who still hasn't cleared the game. Go me. And my native language is spanish so my english is horrible -.-

Please do note this thing contains lots of Ferals* and even more random situations and randomly created pasts [Mizer, Kylier's brother!? C'mon!]. Also shounen-ai, because this kitten is a yaoi fan. Now, for some technical data... Oh, a dictionary entry first:

*Feral: (definition) Situation that should have happened in a game/anime/manga storyline, but for fic purposes has been evaded/changed. [Sorry, Feral Phoenix... if you weren't a dictionary entry before, you are now]

OK! Now that THAT has been taken care of...

ILLITERATION! Ch.1 (fragment)

Watch everyone's frustated attempts in trying to illustrate the illiterate in the fine art of reading! [featuring Crack!Ficness, mentions of Gulcasa/Yggdra, light Cruz/Mizer and Inzaghi/Milanor (if that isn't crack, Eudy is Miss Universe!), a crying Astral Fencer, kleptomaniac Stray Thieves, fangirling-over-griffons Kylier and the monochrome roses!]

...There were lots of '!'s in that one pharagraphs... I should let them go... Nah.

--

There were some times when being illiterate wasn't good (nor funny) at all.

Now was one of those times.

Milanor, also known as the Silver Wolf, the King of Thieves (and Fantasinia-Bronquia message boy, could you believe that?), was feeling horribly bored at the very right moment. The last message Gulcasa had written to his always dearest Yggdra was currently being read and responded to, so he had to sit and wait since he was in NO-STEALING TERRITORY.

So many beautiful things only beautiful because they would bring in LOTS of money to his crew... So many shiny things that you just had to have only to watch and watch and burn your eyes watching...

And so many books that the illiterate could die only to read once!

Why was he in the library, to start with!? He wasn't Roswell! He should be outside, feeding his kleptomaniacal needs with random things that were to be given back when Yggdra found out! But no, he just had to chose the library to spend his time in, right? Just had to choose to torment his poor misunderstood iliterate soul walking though walls filled with books!

...Some of which contained valuable information on methods of annoying your blond, effeminate, unoriginal best friend who went from thief to mercenary and joined the side you were going to fight in the future and almost died after being stabbed by a betraying fencer who later joined you because you saved his fiancée, your other best friend who helped you countless time even though she said she hated the person you were working for and who later almost died by making a suicidal attack to a pair of magical cannons AND your other best friend's brother who was always trying to kidnap the person you were working for and to hand her over to the side you were fighting only to gain money to buy shoes and who almost died because you slashed at him when he was raiding the base of a rebellious hunter who later joined you for helping him save his base and people... and on gardening.

Yes, Milanor liked flowers.

He loved them.

Not more than shiny and shinier things to steal and never sell, but still...

ANYWAYS! Here he was, walking through shelves filled with leather-bound books, scrolls and who knows what else. And Yggdra was busy with her negotiations, Kylier was busy taking care of her new griffon (what is a griffon rider without their griffon, I ask you?). Durant couldn't 'take care' of him since he was teaching the new recruits (what on Marietta's name did they need an army for?), Russell was too busy crying over not being able to see Flone. Roswell and Rosary were taking care of the roses in the garden, Cruz was bonding with Mizer (who had appeared one day with a bouquet of purple hyacinth saying he was deeply sorry for all the mess he had caused during the war). Elena was busy worrying over what to give Zilva for her birthday, Nietzsche was trying to learn how to make chocolate. And Inzaghi was nowhere to be seen. Why did everyone disappear/have something to do when he was BORED? Didn't they care about poor, little Milanor?

Probably not, nobody really cared for him since he was the main character and got maxed out around level 14 or so, and is a freaking SCYTHE/AXE USER, he was strong enough to care for himself. And ever since he had gone back to his 'HELLO! I have KLEPTOMANIA!' mode, everyone knew that paying him more attention than the usual 'take care for your things' kind would probably get something from you disappearing.

And, yes, the Silver Moon can't be called an axe. It's a scythe/axe hybrid (that's why it works against scythes). It was confirmed by Milanor himself in BattleField 1493.5.

Back to the matter in hand, Milanor was 1) bored, 2) inside a room filled with books he couldn't read and 3) with an urge to mess with Inzaghi.

Finally giving up, he decided.

"ALRIGHT! I'M GONNA LEARN HOW TO READ!"

This, of course, was heard everywhere in the castle, even outside. And all members of the disbanded Royal Army plus... three, could only laugh.

...Except for Elena. She is too polite to laugh.

--

Kitten previews post and finds two word walls... I tried my best *cries*

I think that is it, right? Flames for the fragment will be used to bake Zilva's cake.

This post has been edited by Antartique: Jun 13 2007, 05:44 PM

[Megaolix]

Funny! And I like your new definition!

Maybe you could post this on ff.net? A crackfic isn't bad once in a while.

[Suzu Fujibayashi]

I'd agree. Since I just know someone is going to come along here and bludgeon you over the head with a blunt object for pullin' a Feral.

You speaking of Feral I haven't seen her in a while... But hey, my fics probably count as crack fics so... crack ftw!?

[Yuka]

Its not quite a crack fic, since this could easily be seen to make logical sense to show up after the game, with the exception of a few things.

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

Gulcasa and Kylier are dead in the game >_>

Regardless, I thought it was pretty funny. I liked it.

[Antartique]

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

Gulcasa, Kylier, Nessiah and Inzaghi >_> My poor babies... And Emilia, Rosary and all those other dead people...

*is currently trying to get Yggdra teach Milanor the 'i'* Crack is hard to write when it is semi-planned... *throws aways notes* I feel like killing La Pucelle.

Oh, someone... As in Dr. Sturm, right? (*points at herself* has been dancing around in the forums for some time already) Well, if the Doc comes and wants to start a discussion, let's wait for Feral. I don't feel like discussing with logical people. Logics scare me...

...And so, I have to go back to writing...s.

[WhiteKnight]

Oh dear... I should have read this sooner... ANY-ways, I love it! It's so... RANDOM!(the ellipse is my thing. If there isn't one between 5 posts, then I was either overconfident or it wasn't me)

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

and yes, I think Inzaghi is cool. Poor lazy merc...EHY DID RUSSELL HAVE TO KILL HIM?

[Feral Phoenix]

*GASP*

Finally, allowed to post again!!

...er, yeah. I've already said most of what I need to say regarding this over a long PM conversation, but may I just mention again, Gulcasa/Yggdra = Antartique is my new hero. <3

POST MORE NAO.

[Antartique]

'lo, Feral xD Seeing how I am one page away from finishing the first chapter, I will be posting it up in FF.net... Today, I think. But first, Act 2 of chapter 1. Just because.



Milanor wasn’t called ‘Silver Wolf’ or ‘Thief King’ for nothing. He was the best in his trade. Meaning, if it came to being sneaky...

So, what do you think Yggdra felt when he began screaming behind her back?

...Let’s begin retelling what happened before that.

Our dearest kleptomaniac had finally decided he was going to learn how to read. And he decided to go around asking every single soul to teach him. Starting for his always dearest Queen (who was currently planning her honeymoon with the Emperor, not that Milanor would tell that to anyone, of course).

And he had gone, sneakily, to her office, hid atop a shelf (full of books, mind you) and waited for the right minute.

Which came about two hours later. How long can a letter get, I ask you?

...By Yggdra, they are usually in a really long scroll/thick envelope.

But we are getting sidetracked, again. So, Milanor waited and waited and when the time finally came...

“Boo.”

It wasn’t exactly a scream. More like a creepy whisper, but for the always concentrated Queen Yggdra, it sounded like thousands of canons shooting near her ears.

“KYAAAA!”

“Woah!”

Let’s just say falling from a chair isn’t a very pleasant feeling, specially when you have just been scared half to death.

And Milanor fell from his hanging upside-down position (don’t ask how he achieved that, it’s one of his mad Stray Thief skills... probably) and hit La Pucelle in the way, dragging the both of them to the floor. Along with some ink. Needless to say, the result was quite... messy.

Once they had finally recovered their breaths from the scare and the fall, the Queen had laughed at Milanor’s now cow-looking hair, and Durant had left after checking what was wrong (Yggdra screamed very loud when surprised... and from where did Durant come from, wasn’t he training?), they both sat in soft sofas.

“So, was there anything you needed to see me for?”

“YES! Say, Yg- Queen Yggdra...”

Being called ‘Queen’ by Milanor was strange enough, Yggdra decided. She started getting concerned for her friend’s well being.

“I want to learn how to read.”

Two and a half hours before, Yggdra had been too busy reading and replying to Gulcasa’s letter, so she hadn’t heard the thief’s previous declaration. And receiving the shocking new now...

“...What?,” she asked confused.

“I want to learn how to read.”

And that was enough to make La Pucelle faint.



There. Go ahead and shoot me.

EDIT: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3616691/1/ UP! NO WAY!

This post has been edited by Antartique: Jun 26 2007, 12:17 AM

[Feral Phoenix]

Yay~

[SyphonVectorman]

Some laughs here and there... But it was OK. ^_^

[Antartique]

It WAS supposed to make you laugh, Syphon. That's what Crack is written for, after all.

[Megaolix]

And you're doing that well.

Keep up the good work, I'm waiting for next chapter.

[Antartique]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3616691/2/ CRAPPY CHAPTER TWO! OH NOES!

More randomness in this one, really short (1000 words less than the first -.-) Kiss scene at the end, not telling you who.

Please do comment, ...everyone.

This post has been edited by Antartique: Jun 29 2007, 06:56 PM

[Feral Phoenix]

YAY

Reviewed it also. :D

[Yuka]

Please do comment, I DON'T KNOW JAPANESE BUT I LIKE TO PRETEND I DO!.

We'd prefer it if you didn't.