Ashton's Advice, For people who are having trouble at college, et al. Options

[Leyviur]

I've been hearing that more than one person on this board (or in the chatroom) are having serious trouble in uni/college/professional school, etc. Most of these problems revolve around dealing with other people, some with class, some individuals just have no energy. Some of these people have come to me for advice, others I've gotten knowledge of from concerned parties. I'm gonna try to help these people out in the only way I can.

1. First, if you're having serious problems emotionally, see a therapist. These things can range from depression to severe mood swings (unstoppable elation to self-hate). These are symptoms of psychiatric problems and my advice is not a suitable replacement for a personal psychiatric evaluation.

2. Join a club. Any club. Preferably one that coincides with your own interests. Universities and colleges will have tons of these. Not sure about professional schools. Within these club will be tons of like-minded people. They will schedule events and outings and you'll be able to get to know other people. Even if you lack the necessary motivation or energy to participate, drag yourself to these events anyway. Chances are you'll end up having tons of fun. During these events you NEED to talk to others. Don't keep your head down and stay quiet. You don't have to be the life of the party, but you should be able to make some new friends and be able to talk it out with some of them on a regular basis. If after two or three weeks you've found some new friends you can eat at the cafeteria with, you are making incredible progress and should pat yourself on the back.

3. With your acquaintances, you should be friendly but not personal. Charismatic but not revealing. You want to be friendly and open, but you shouldn't reveal much about yourself during the first few weeks of your relationships. This goes triple for people you are romantically interested in. You want people to wonder 'what's up with him/her' and try to figure you out. Maintain an aura of mystique, to put it dramatically. I'm very friendly and charismatic with people I know but I keep them generally at arms' length. This also has the secondary function of not letting anything you don't want spread around out for the gossips to hear. I have only a handful of friends who know a lot about me, and even then they don't know everything. The one and only exception is my best friend in the whole world, who I often refer to (and often refers to me) as my "soul brother."

4. Start exercising. Running is good for either gender. Girls can try yoga and karate, guys can try working out at the gym and 'heavier' martial arts like judo, boxing, or kickboxing, though this is in no way concrete; either gender can do pretty much anything the other can do. Drag yourself and push yourself to do at least 30 minutes to an hour of exercise every single day. The thing about exercise is, if you do it, you'll end up having MORE energy than if you don't. It wipes away the lack of motivation and energy and gives a strong vitality after a session that can't be match by anything else. I don't want to hear anything about how you 'have no time' or 'are too busy.' I practically live in the hospital where I work and I have enough time to do one to two hours of working out AT LEAST five times a week. I am not super buffed out, either (I'm 5'8" to 5'9" and weigh ~175 lbs.), but enough that people turn to look at me when I walk by them on the street. For the curious, my regimen includes an hour of running every day (I run 10 km), then working out until my muscles can't bear the weight any longer. I have also taken classes in jujitsu, judo, karate, kung fu, taekwondo, kickboxing, iaido, fencing, stick fighting, and knife fighting. Some of my ex-girlfriends were terrified of me, I am sad to say.

5. Get to know your teachers and professors. Some of them will demand absolute respect, and these are the ones you don't really want to get too personal with. You want to let them know that you value their class and are listening intently. Ask them questions (but not too much, else you risk making them annoyed) and let them know you care about the class they're teaching. It doesn't really matter if you do or not, the issue here is that you make the appearance of a student who's at the top of their game. Even if you're not top of the class, you'll make a positive impression on the professor. Some will be very buddy-buddy with their students and these are the ones who you want to be 'friends' with, so to speak. The classes I did best in were with teachers who befriended and talked to their students as equals. You should remain casual, but lightly respectful of these teachers. Sometimes they don't mind a little back-and-forth in their classes (keep it to a minimum though - you don't want a reputation as a motormouth); I would always comment on one of my old professor's jokes and he'd play off my reaction epically. Getting on professors' good sides tend to help you out with grades - they're more inclined to hear you out if you have a problem during the semester and are more likely to bump your grade a few points to the next grade level.

These are all I can think of at the moment. Will post more if I think of any and if anyone has questions/comments. Keep in mind, I'm a plain-looking Asian man with psoriasis who obsesses about video games on a regular basis. If I can do this, most of you probably can, too.