 Rengoku |
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| regruBgniK |
 Mar 20 2006, 12:38 AM
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#1
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 Metroid Queen  Group: Arcs Posts: 314 Joined: 24-December 05 From: South Member No.: 14  |
I'm destroying this it's horrible.
This post has been edited by regruBgniK: Jan 14 2008, 11:58 PM ~~~ What goes around...
Comes around... |
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| valkan |
Mar 20 2006, 01:07 AM
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#2
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Vivec Group: Knights Posts: 646 Joined: 23-December 05 Member No.: 5 |
Good, but they weren't really close in the game... Spelling could use some work, but still good. ~~~ "Wheels within wheels..."
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| Megaolix |
Mar 20 2006, 02:33 AM
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#3
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Scarlet Devil Group: Arcs Posts: 470 Joined: 6-March 06 From: Quebec Member No.: 80 |
Is it complete? I feel like it ended in the middle of the story...
This is good, but it lacks something... I can't put my finger on it... ~~~ Why is life so complicated sometimes?
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| Swifty-chan |
Mar 20 2006, 12:43 PM
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#4
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Zzzz... Group: Knights Posts: 469 Joined: 24-December 05 From: Netherworld Member No.: 13 |
... Another yuri? ><'
Well, perhaps because I was speed reading, but when I first saw the lines 'Serene is dead', I thought the woman saw Serene's corpse. But that was the line that halted me to read properly. I'll be expecting the next chappie~ |
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| regruBgniK |
Mar 20 2006, 10:13 PM
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#5
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Metroid Queen Group: Arcs Posts: 314 Joined: 24-December 05 From: South Member No.: 14 |
XD Yes, I think it's missing something too, like an ending. And talent. XD I'll write more soon. Yuri <3 ~regruBgniK ~~~ What goes around...
Comes around... |
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