I hosted an event yesterday, and as a reward me and my colleagues were treated to a meal afterwards. The food sucked, but the alcohol was cheap. To the normal student, this would be a disappointment. To Ashton Liu, this was an excuse to get fucked off drunk at the expense of my school and not get in trouble for it. Thus I was all too happy to indulge. Of course, I was supposed to help teach an English class the day after, and I knew I couldn't do so if I happened to get a hangover from my rampant alcoholic tendencies. But this was a once-in-a-year chance for me, so I threw all caution and temperament to the wind.
11:00 PM: Only five people are here. I drink some pepsi.
11:05 PM: Some colleagues show, but not enough to start my drinking challenge.
11:10 PM: Nobody else has shown up. I grow slightly impatient.
11:20 PM: Every table but mine is filled. The beer is delivered. Considering we need to wait for our colleague, this does not amuse me.
11:30 PM: My colleague shows up and I pop open my first bottle of beer. My first of many.
11:40 PM: I've had one glass of beer and I feel fine. Forgetting that one glass has little to no effect on the human body, I take it this means I am invincible.
11:41 PM: I run around challenging everybody who is willing to drink.
11:45 PM: I've gone through two bottles in 4 minutes and I feel fine. This must mean I am ready for more.
11:51 PM: I have beaten everyone else. I have drank four bottles, which nobody else can top. The crowd is in awe. In my drunken stupor I run around hugging everyone I see. And I do mean everyone. COlleagues, people I don't know, the waiters, EVERYONE.
11:53 PM: My Godhood ends in two minutes. Someone else has drank four and a half bottles of beer. This is a threat to my manhood.
11:55 PM: I reclaim my Godhood. I drink another bottle of beer and a shot of vodka-coke.
12:00 AM: My friend bets that I cannot beat him in drinking. "FUCK YOU," I scream, "NOBODY OUTDRINKS ASHTON. I WILL DRINK DOUBLE WHATEVER YOU HAVE."
12:01 AM: As if on cue, we are each provided with two shots of vodka.
12:02 AM: I have finished my two shots. My friend is still on his first.
12:03 AM: "WHAT NOW BITCH?! I THOUGHT YOU COULD OUT DRINK ME?!"
12:04 AM: My friend finishes his second vodka shot.
12:05 AM: "THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!" I order another two.
12:10 AM: I have finished my two vodka shots. My friend has passed out before he can finish his third. I am God. I am also sick. Very very sick. THe room is spinning like whoaaaa.
12:11 AM: More alcohol. I think it's tequila. Whatever the fuck. I grab it and down it. The room starts spinning even more.
12:12 AM: I lose track of what I am doing as Batshit Insane Drunk Ashton steps into the limelight and sober, very aware of his surroundings Ashton is kicked out of the driver's seat.
7:08 AM: I wake up in my room. Somehow I made it back here. Unfortunately the carnival seems to be in town and have converted my room into one of their rides. The spinning is uncontrollable. Somewhere in the distance I hear an IM being sent to me on my computer. I scream at my computer, "Shut the fuck up, I'm too dizzy to talk to you." The computer responds by making another IM noise.
7:10 AM: The phone rings. I reach out and try to find it. However, since the phone is nowhere near my bed, I obviously cannot reach it. Fuck it, I think, let the answering machine take care of it.
7:11 AM: The phone stops ringing.
7:12 AM: I remember I have no answering machine.
7:13 AM: My COMPUTER starts ringing. I throw my pillow at my desk, and miss my computer. I do, however, knock over the Saber figure sitting beside it. "That's what you get," I sneer, "For being in such a fucking suck ass anime."
7:14 AM: I go back to sleep.
4:10 PM: I wake up. My class started 10 minutes ago. Fuck. I halfheartedly get up, throw on some clothes, and leave.
4:13 PM: I am greeted by my ex girlfriend, who I have not seen in three months. "Still drunk?" She asks. I grunt in response.
4:15 PM: I realize she was not at the party. Who told her I was drunk? I deem this point unimportant and go back to more important things.
4:20 PM: I arrive at the class I am slated to teach. My teaching assistant tells me that I shouldn't arrive to class drunk. I don't get the joke until three hours later.
6:10 PM: My class is over and as I am heading out the door, I bump into the Vice Dean of my department. I greet her, and we chat about the class I'm teaching, etc. As I am about to leave, she parts with "So, you're over your hangover, I presume?" What the fuck.
Reading this made my day and killed my lungs. Another story like this, I'll be seeing you in an afterlife.
You're teacher? >_>
A teacher, PPA. A teacher.
Full of win. Your drunken stupors are always so funny.
Nice.
Pity I'm never gonna drink. >_>
I had a friend who encouraged me to drink. I could drink wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted, but if he ever caught me smoking, my ass is his.
I wonder what a class would be like with Ash teaching it...
Nobel Prize worthy.
I second that Nobel Prize request!
That made my day.
UPDATE:
My drunken stupor has had unforeseen consequences. I recieved a call from a female friend recently asking me why the hell I haven't called her in two weeks.
Me: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Evidently when I was drunk out of my skull I got a bit overly friendly with said female friend kissed her, then asked her to be my girlfriend. Apparently she agreed and I have been going two weeks thinking I was single when I really wasn't.
:(
Oh Ash, do you EVER cease to amuse us?
By the way, that kinda sucks. I just wanna have a single, sex-abstained life.
You don't want sex?
What kind of man are you?
I completely LOL'd after the reading the first post, what did she do after?
Birth Control Pills AND Condoms.
It's not difficult, you know.
:(
you don't pick this up living in the ghetto.
Bleh, it gets better with age, my teacher(and Carlos Menica) says.
somebody shoot me.
Fuck Carlos Menstealia.
Wow, just wow, you became a legend, got a girlfriend and went on with life for two weeks without knowing about it. This is Oscar worthy movie material right here.
Aerozero, that is the best idea I've ever heard. Copyright it. NOW.
Actually I don't want to have sex either (or that's at least what I think at the moment). I don't know if I really want children, and using pills, condoms and the likes seems kinda wrong to me.
And I'd immediately sign a petition for making this into a film. >.>
Looking at Ash's first post again, I can see a 24 (the show) like short film of Ash's day being made.
Ash, your drunk adventures have put a light on the crappy day I had^_^ This is great shit, I laughed so fucking hard.
I'm am curious about one thing: Why don't people want kids? I love kids, and look foward to the day when I have kids of my own. Sure, they aren't Saints most of the time, but the end result allways makes up for that.
Well, i guess some people can't handle that responsability, which would cause some to not want kids.
Rasler, you hit the mark exactly. Plus, I don't like to care for anyone besides my self. Or my infertile lover.
You're fourteen. You're way to fucking young to be having lovers.
Agreed>_>
Men who don't want sex are amoeba-men. Or asexual men. Or something of the sorts.
I doubt the term "men" really applies to that many people in this board.
Obviously not.
Most males here, including myself, probably fit more into the angsty geeky teen category as opposed to man.
But I has Manowar, and it is manly. No beards yet though.
Ash. You. Are. Fucking. Amazing.
<3
xD Best drunk story eva.
Sticky thread necromancy.
Session Start (Lacrima Castle:#lcn): Fri Apr 20 20:32:55 2007
[20:32] *** Initial topic: Feral is at fault for the impending death of LCN.
[20:32] *** #lcn: PPA WhiteKnight @Ashton
[20:33] *** #lcn was created on Thu May 18 01:49:32 2006.
[20:33] PPA: Hello.
[20:33] Ashton: youuu are ewhooo
[20:33] *** You are now known as ewhooo.
[20:47] WhiteKnight: who?
[20:48] WhiteKnight: Ash, you feel okay?
[20:48] Ashton: no
[20:48] Ashton: my room
[20:48] Ashton: it keeps spinning
[20:48] Ashton: like
[20:48] Ashton: a carnival ride
[20:49] WhiteKnight: ....get off your drugs/medicine, or go to sleep if you don't use anything.
[20:50] Ashton: im not on drugs you stupid faggot
[20:50] WhiteKnight: ;_;
[20:50] WhiteKnight: I'm a cheeky little ass.
[20:50] WhiteKnight: EW!
[20:50] WhiteKnight: That sounded so much cleener in my head....
[20:51] * WhiteKnight suicide
[21:05] ewhooo: brb Trillian reset
Session Close (): Fri Apr 20 21:05:31 2007
So, why didn't you post that the day it happened, PPA?
I'm actually surprised I didn't. Or it was deleted, I don't remember.